i just wanna love you...
i am going to bite someone's style. this person i know is doing what i shoulda done a while ago... she's taking a "sabbatical," as she likes to call it, from any sort of commited relationships. she's got herself all set, putting her foot down against any guy that wants anything more than being just friends, and at the same time meeting any "needs" needed to be met... she's got some skill. actually, she's just avoiding having a boyfriend.
i feel a bit more like cameron diaz in the sweetest thing... i'm just tired of "the game." yes my friends, the hat and cane will soon be hung up on the wall, once and for all... i don't know when, but hopefully i'll be able to retire from being the pimp that some of you like to call me.
don't get me wrong, i still like meeting people. some guys fall under the "he's so cute but so stupid" category, but there are a few guys i meet who are awesome quality people. it's just too hard to meet a guy and try to be their friend when all they got is dating on the brain (or worse!). and on top of that, you're the one who'd have to eventually break it to them (sometimes repeatedly) that you don't want them, so you're ultimately breaking it up. ooh, but it's the worst when they hear exactly what they want to hear, even though what you said wasn't even remotely close... you say "i'm not looking for a boyfriend right now" or "i don't have time for a relationship" or even "i'm not interested" and all they hear is "wow, you could possibly be the man of my dreams... i want to be your girlfriend, no doubt about it!!". and suddenly no matter what you do, it's interpreted the wrong way. like if you make any sort of physical contact, it's taken as a "sign"... be it you accidentally knocking his foot at dinner, or your arms sharing the same rest at the theatre, or even you feeling the sleeve of his shirt because you like the material (after asking permission of course). and don't even get me started on the non-physical contact! like if you look at him at all, he'll think "yeah, she doesn't know it yet, but she wants me."
after i handle this, i'll be rid of all of them (although i wish i could just get rid of the bad parts and keep all the good parts). then i'll have a fresh start and be able to have a "normal" life where nobody will notice me or ever ask me for my number or anything... maybe even have a few things go my way. right now, the only thing i'm happy about is that i can go into hiding (none of those guys read my blog... wonder how many would care?.. wonder how many can read?..) so i can spend some quality me time.

dammit, guys suck.